Don't try and take this from me                                                               Now ~ow~ow~ow~ow~ow~ow
Feels like I'm waking from the dead
And everyone's been waitin' on me
'Least now I'll never have to wonder what it's like to sleep a year away,

But were we indestructible
I thought that we could brave it all
I never thought that what would take me out was hiding down below,

Lost the battle, win the war
I'm bringing my sinking ship back to the shore
We're starting over, or head back in
There's a time and a place to die but this ain't it

If there's a future, we want it
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow 
Firstly sorry for the massive delay in-between posts and again and sorry for the long song lyrics, but they say more about how I've been feeling then I could ever write!

Afew weeks ago my sister bumped into my nan and auntie and they were talking about me getting out and about more. 
They have known of my "little issues" for quite a while. Like when they see everyone else and I'm not there, it becomes noticeable and there's only so much excuses people can make, before you have to tell the truth!  

Anyway, honest truth here they actually said to her "well done Lee, you've done so well getting her out and about, lucky you came home" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean what? come on give me a break here!! I'm not saying I've made all this progress alone. My family have been a massive help and support but come on give me some credit! I had to finally want to get over this problem and sort myself out, my family couldn't do that for me. 

Don't think I'm being mean to sister or dissing her at all her, far from it..she's helped big time, everyone has! she's not who got my back up!     

My family have always asked me to go out to all different places and I've constantly said no or chicken out at the last minute after they have waited around for hours, leaving them to go without me. Them annoyed for wasting so much time and me alone indoors, annoyed that I've been a let down and pissed everyone off. They have also seen the signs when its got to much for me, like in a crowded card shop for instance, mum would notice my discomfort and say do you wanna go somewhere else?. They couldn't have helped me more, but I had to WANT to make that change, NEED  to take that leap and look at myself ad go "Come on Donna sort for fucking self out"

I'ts not been easy at all and I'm bound to have slip up along the way and have people trying to knock me down, but I'm getting there slowly step by step! 
What annoyed me was I had only seen my nan a little while before hand she wasn't that interested really when I was telling her about my art work and how well I'm doing, the places I've been and plans I had. In fact she was a lil patronizing about it really. I'm not saying I need to be constantly patted on the back and told well done all the time, but don't give credit to someone else!!

It played on mind quite alot, made mum so angry and Lee must know it would upset me as she hasn't told me. (mum did, to relieve her anger and coz I had a right to know) It did make me feel like I'd taken a few steps back. This was just before my biggest leap to date (which I will blog about next post) and for a few days before I had doubts on if I was ready or not. Im the space of to days my mood went from "yay I'm so excited, It's gonna be amazing" to "Can I do this? Am I ready? is it too late to chicken out?" 
What gives my family members the right to make me feel that way? They must have known Lee would tell my mum, therefore I would find out! What do people get out of doing that?     

Lee may have been in nearly all big moment this year but that's because she's they only one who has the mix of the time and money to do these things with me at the moment. My close family (mum, sisters and dad) have been behind me all the way propping me up and for that I'm eternally thankful for and hope it doesn't stop. 
Is it any wonder we're so close and so distance to the rest of the family!

Anyway that's rant over and done with, what do you guys think? Have I over reacted? I know I sound like angsty teenage moaning about how "no body understands me" but it really did knock me for six abit and I thought long on hard about weather or not to post this, but I think sometimes you need that release, isn't that what this is for?   

Promise my next blog will be more positive and less moaning lol.
For no I'll leave you with Paramore singing my title song! 
Feel free to leave me a comment below, even if that comments "Donna sort your self out you annoying bitch" lol.

Until next time 
Donna   
 





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