Firstly Hi how are you guys? is there anyone left reading? lol
It's been so long since I blogged last and I'm sorry about that.
The end of last year was quite manic and the beginning of this year has been a tough one.
I started this blog, as you know, mainly as a diary and a release for thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing. In a way, I thought putting it all out there would force me to deal with my issues. I'm pleased to say that does seem to be the case! I really really do feel like I've made massive steps forward. This time last year I was in wembley stadium singing along to the Killers with nearly 90 thousand other people. Who would have thought that when I started this blog?
This is not the reason for my absence. I wish I could tell you travelling the world and having the time of my life, is what has kept me away, but I'd be lying sadly.
There has been a lot of stress and change in both mine and my families lives. There have been alot of down moments in this last six months and through it all I've thought "blog about it, it'll help you come to terms with everything that's happening" but ironically I couldn't. It's something that has a effect on me but isn't my story to tell. It could have been much more damaging to actually have shared my thoughts lol. So sorry for being so vague but this wasn't the place to share. Losing this outlet I think really did hit me hard. So I did miss you all.
Anyway I don't want to make this blog all doom and gloom. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. Anyone that's still reading I'd love to hear your gossip, what have I missed? any news?
To make up for nearly a year of just writing drafts, Ii thought I'd do kind of a getting to know you blog. I thought I'd share 8 things you don't know about me :)
I hope anyone that reads will add their 8 things in the comments too. You know sharing lol :P
1: I'm obsessed with all things paranormal.
Ok so a few of you may know this. I have a ever growing book list of paranormal books sat on my kindle. I love anything from zombies to ghosts but my total fav is vampires. I think it all started with buffy, I had the biggest crush on Angel in that programme lol. My obsession has spilled over into my décor in my bedroom as I currently have a vampire print, a skull and a saw puppet all sat on my dressing table. I think it's starting to get noticeable for my nieces. As Angel drew me as a vampire, with quite afew fangs :P lol.
2. I'm completely unreligious.
So non-religious I was banned from studying R.E at school lol. Now I was a good student, never got in trouble but yes I was banned. We had a lesson that my mum didn't agree in and she wrote in a letter of complaint. Now I'm not sure if it was letter or the fact I said I didn't believe in any of that nonsense that got me banned but I wasn't gutted that's for sure!I grew up with a mum that does have a certain amount of faith but never tried to make us believe or ram it down our throats, I'm grateful for that and deffo don't feel like I'm missing anything not having a god to lead me!
3: I cry at most films.
I'm not a massive crier in normal day to day life. I'm much more of a bottle it all up and deffo don't cry in public, kinda person. So much so that once my sister called me heartless and in fact questioned if i even had a heart. (hence me wanted to change) But put a sad film on and I will ball my eyes out like a baby lol. A few that made cry include: My sisters keeper, About time (so bloody funny and massively sad) and P.s i love you. It doesn't even have to be a sad film, just a sweet moment in a feel good film start me off. Don't even get me started on the animated movie Up lol!
4. I'd love to play a victim in a horror film.
I'm a big horror nut. Any horror film has to be watched and have seen my fair share of bad movies (yes slither I'm talking about you). Both my sisters are just as bad and we regularly still get together to watch horrors or have movie night sleep overs. So it'll come as no surprise that it's always been a lil secret dream of both me and my lil sis to be a victim in a horror movie. Personal favs would be Saw or Wrong turn. I'd also love to play a corpse in CSI.
5. My lil sister Lee is turning me into abit of a geek.
Ok so I admit I was a geek already (In alot of ways I see myself abit like Leonard in the big bang theory or Jess in new girl--just minus the glasses) I already watched my fair share of geekier movies like The spirit, Scott Pilgrim vs the world and Kick Ass ( i love them) But she's dragged me into the world of marvel. It started when Thor: the dark world was due out. She wanted to watch and as Chris hemsworth in massively hot I agreed, but Lee said i had to do it right and start with iron man and away we went, night after night till I was all caught up! Now I can't get enough and have even got the t-shirt as proof lol.
Pic below is me and my other sister Emma at our nephews Pokemon birthday party last month.
6. I once tried to commit suicide.
A slightly sadder one here, but hey not all secrets are fun or light hearted. I was about 17/18 and my family was going a really time, about 3 years of rough patch. I basically had enough or everything that was going on and was getting quite depressed. I felt like the only people I could talk about it with was my family. But how could you talk about it with them when its effecting them as well. At that time I began to withdraw and step away from friends, work mates and ended up feeling alone. I was trying to deal with past demons, with the new stress and uncertainty about which direction my future was going in, had left me really down. One day as I went out I had this thought that said "I could make all this go away with one step into that road" and that's what I tired! I was deadly serious at that time but as the car sped towards me I thought of my family and how selfish I was being, trying to add to their stress. I ran back and swore to never try again. I'm not saying that I never thought those thoughts again, I HAVE! quite alot, even to these later years but I know I'm never gonna try it again. I've tried to find anew way of coping A.K.A this blog and actually opening up more lol. So now I feel so much better.
7. when i was younger i wanted to be a actress.
You may find that strange as I'm shy and quiet and suffer with anxiety but it's always been a dream there in the background. I've had loads of career paths I've wanted to do like Journalism and photography but art and acting were always there in the forefront of my mind. It started from school, when I had to pick what to study for my GCSE'S drama was a big option for me. I chickened out because i didn't know anyone else doing that lesson. but I kinda regret not trying, I would probably have sucked but hey lol.
8. im kind of obsessed with online personality quizzes.
You know the ones what ninja turtle are you? lol. I blame the site PlayBuzz lol and alike. Whenever I'm bored I go on there lol. The bad thing is though every time I get all the dark, you need to live more results lol
Thanks for reading. If you fancy leave me a lil comment with 8 things about you or any news and gossip :)
take care till next time (which will hopefully be alot sooner lol)