A change has began!!!  
We are only 27 days into 2013 and I feel better and more confident then ever! 

It started on the first day back to work with what I was told was a meeting. Turns out it was a course. As regular readers might know, a meeting normally fills with me dread and the thought of it being a course would normally tip me over the edge lol. Not this time.

Sunday night came and I felt a little bit down about going back to a meeting, especially after I was told everything might change (see blog about work lol) but wasn't ill or anything like i usually am.  
Monday morning I got up, dressed and cycled to work, without a second thought or bad feeling. I got to the school about 2 mins late and took my seat at the back.  The new head introduced herself and explained that today wasn't a meeting, it was in fact a course. She introduced this other lady who started of saying we should do an ice breaker first- people bingo. A game where you received a sheet of paper with different things like- someones whose a vegetarian and who drives a silver car, who has twins in the family etc-  you then had to go round asking others to sign one that sounded like them -you get the idea. Well anyway my brain screamed  "nooooooo we're not doing that shit" but I just got up and strolled around chatting to people I didn't know. That inner voice I always give into was shouting "sit down, who the hell do you think you are? WTF are you playing at" but somehow I switched it off. I know even I'm amazed haha. 
After that we were told to move into groups with people we don't work closely with. My boss refused to move, so I bite the bullet and switched seats. I had a little around and thought that table is too icy ( two of them are kinda at war at the moment) , that table has the new head and some governers on it, when I finally found a nice table, we were ready to start. The subject of the course-safe guarding the children against abuse! Pretty heavy topic for 9 o'clock on a monday. It was filled with loads of (you guessed it) group activities and chats about what we just learnt. And you know what I wasn't fazed, I just chatted along. I practically floated home, feeling so normal! I was excited told mum and her responce was "i've actually noticed you changing for the last few months, so I'm not surprised, I'm proud of you" 
It's carried along at work too, I've been making much more of an effort to talk to everyone, including the new guys. I've also been to the cinema twice with my sister. A normal everyday thing that you guys probably think, wow big deal, but I haven't been in about 10 years, I've even made excuses when either of my sisters have invited me. Like "I don't want to go with you and your bf" "oh I'm busy I've got work to do" Anything so I couldn't go. The thought of sitting in a small cinema with a bunch of strangers, isn't exactly one of my favorite things LOL. I hate enclosed spaces and crowds! The first film was The Impossible, it was packed, Orange wednesday so loads of people like me getting in free haha. But I didn't care I didn't panic, even though my sister was saying if you need to leave let me know and we'll go. The film was great but so sad! the following week we saw "Les Miserables" no-where near as busy on a thursday and I still wasn't fazed just excited to finally see if it lived up to the hype......it more then did! It was amazing!!! what wasn't amazing was walking home at 11.30pm in the cold and on the ice because we couldn't get a lift. Me and my lil sis are even planning to take a trip to the theater to see something. I think she's glad I'm building myself up so she has a show buddy lol. My other sister is also looking for what we can do to celebrate my 30th with a show or abit of stand up :)

I'm feeling so much better and I just hope it lasts. I feel like I've had my life on hold for the whole of my 20's and I'm starting to claw it back. Like I'm gaining some kind of control on my anxiety and as my title says "for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic" (Thank you Paramore for that title, I only borrowed it :P ) 
Don't get me wrong, I still have alot of self doubts and I'm not expecting this good turn to last long, I'm sure there's going to be some hurdle to trip me up soon. One little thing that creeps up and wipes away all my good work! But for now I'm just gonna enjoy feeling like a normal person for a change and do all the things I've stopped myself doing. That little negative voice is still there saying "whats the point of trying, people will hate you or you'll get hurt" but I think I have him on mute right now and it feels AWESOME!!! lol. Next stop Silverstone! 
So for now I need to focus on getting this painting finished, cake making and trying to my costume made for my birthday haha. So if I disappear for most of February you'll now why.

Till next time stay safe and keep smiling :)
From Donna xxxxx
Current mood: optimistic! 
Now listening to: Hey Ho- the luminees - such a great tune :)

5 things I'm loving this week.

1. Les Miserables - Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman are heartbreaking and Russell crowe wasn't as bad as I expecting.
2. Orange wednesdays- Who doesn't love freebies lol
3. Nieces random requests- Angel to me "Can you buy me a Gangnam style blanket?" leading to about half an hour of googleing merchandise with her lol
4. Biffy Clyro- new album out now I'm so excited :)
5. Calvin Harris feat Tinie Tempah- Drinking out the bottle- I love it makes me dance while painting :)

5 things I'm hating this week.

1. Snow -I'm over it now, bring on the summer!
2. Surprise toothache- sitting there chilling out and bang heres a surprise toothache lol
3. Keys not working on your laptop- Utterly annoying!
4. You've been framed- my dad is obsessed  its on every day!!!!
5. Alicia Keys- Girl on fire- still hate it and my nieces love it so sing it all the time!
So 2013 is here at last and instead of thinking about the past, I'm focusing on looking forward :) 
To much of my life's been spent looking back, on things that I didn't do and chances that I've had and basically it's just a waste of time. You can't change these things, and to live your life on if's and but's is just pointless and stopping you moving forward! 
Well no more haha.
I follow Jared Leto on twitter and I saw this status he posted:

"First day of the year. What are doing right now to make sure your dreams become your reality?"
It really got me thinking! I want this to be the year everything changes for me! I turn 30 in february and think it's about time to get serious! I know your probably reading this going "yeah yeah yeah  we've head this so many times" but for the first time I actually mean it LOL. I need to stop talking about what I want/need to do and get it done. Like no more "I'll look into how I can get prints done of my artwork" or "I've got some ideas for a collection" and defiantly no more "When I'm brave enough I'm gonna start entering afew art competitions " I need to think like Jared Leto says.........what am I doing to make these dreams reality? that I don't really have an answer for at the moment LOL. maybe you guys can help me with that?! I'm open to suggestions haha. Who know's when I go back to work next week the outcome could be bad and it will force me to come up with a plan. What will be will be! 
            It's not just my art/ career I want to change. It's me in general. I feel like I am getting abit more confident or maybe that's just me feeling more comfortable with who I am for a change! I'm pretty much happy with how I look (well I've got to the stage where I think fuck it, this is what your stuck with-work with it LOL)  I think I'm a nice girl, but there's still work to be done! I'm abit of a door mat - that definitely needs to change! I give and give and get very little back. I've been ill alot this year too, probably more then I've noticed before- maybe its old age creeping in I don't know haha but I think it's been stress related.
I've been listening toalot of music while painting and one song keeps popping up, enimen- not afraid. The lyrics have been speaking to me........
 "But I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out,
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't,
this fucking black cloud, 
Still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons, 
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now! ...
And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)" 
They pretty much sum up what I'm hoping to change about myself this year. In fact it's spot on lol. 
         So my new years resolution is not to worry so much! I believe in everything happens for a reason so why stress when things are going "Wrong" because there not wrong, there just taking me down a different road! 
         I would love to be writing a blog at the end of the year telling you all that I did everything in my power to make things happen! 
         Before I leave I would love to start the new year saying a massive thank you to everyone who reads this blog and writes to me on twitter, your support and words of encouragement have both helped me and overwhelmed me at times, so THANK YOU!!! 
Hope 2013 brings you all the love, luck and happiness you deserve, have a good one you lovely lot :) 

If you have any ideas to help me out or maybe share your wishes for 2013 leave me a comment below :) 
Take care and don't be a stranger!
Donna xxxxxxxxxxx 
Current mood: optimistic! 
Now listening to: Shake it out- Florence and the machine.....well its how I'm feeling right now, I'm shaking off my demons lol.

The Short Artist's awards!

I had so much fun with the "getting to know you music quiz" that I thought we could do a review of the year questionnaire :)
One word to sum up 2012.... Rollercoater! The year started off ok, got emotional in the summer for good reasons (makes a change) then got shitting by the end of the year :(
Song of the year:......  Either Fun we are young or Stay -Rihanna 
Album of the year..... Who else but the Killers- battle born! I waited ages to get my hands on there new Album and it didn't disappoint. 
Worst song of the year.......Girl on fire- Alisha keys or Call me maybe- Carly Rae Japsen Girl on fire I can't even tell you why I don't like it, it just grates on me lol and call me maybe is so bloody catchy!!! 
Highlight of the year....... Gotta be the Olympics and Paralympics! That was a once in a life time moment for us brits to witness. I cried so much in that one summer through joy and pride, I was exhausted lol. 
Personal highlight of the year....Erm I'm struggling for a stand out moment from this year but I think just the way my family and I have stuck together and laughed in the face of our problems really :)
Hero of the year....... So many choices this year, do you go for the queen? 60 years on the throne and still going strong. or Boris Johnson? the guys just hilarious! or any of the Olympicians? I'll narrow it down to 3. From my real life- the Quick Ladies- mum and Emma for going smoke free- yay!! and From the world of celebrity I'll go for Bradley Wiggins, he won the tour de France and won gold at the London Olympics- all with a couldn't care less attitude, which I loved.
Sports star of the year.....Again I could choose so many but I'm gonna go for a top 3! 
Number 3:  Gemma Gibbons- I normally wouldn't care about Judo but she was bloody amazing gaining that silver medal and when she looked up to the sky and whispered "I love you mum" it broke my heart! Number 2: Mo Farah - I've always been a big fan and my family cheered so loud when he won he's double gold medals!  and Number 1: Fernando Alonso.....Come on you knew it was gonna come Lol. He thought so hard this year and never gave up, so to get 2nd in the championship was amazing, especially as it was so close! 
Comeback of the year: .......Kimi Raikkonen who else! I've always been a massive fan so I was super excited for him to return and to get 3rd in the championship proves he hasn't lost it LOL.
Villain of the year.......Victoria Pendleton- I just don't like her LOL closely followed by my dad- he's been a total arse this year but then that's not surprising!
Twitter person of the year.........I could name so many of you guys that I've had fun with this year or that have encouraged me but I'll give it to the lovely Claire @button_rose1985, We have had THE most girly chats this year, everything from boys to fashion to stalkers LOL and she's opened my eyes to a world of fanfics- some I'd rather forget :P  
Unsung hero of the year...........Miss Chloe @mama_plus2! What this girl does is incredible! I won't go into details as I know she won't like that but she's amazing and doesn't get the credit she deserves.........plus I know she reads this LMAO :P 
and finally Crush of the year (those crushes you didn't even realize you had lol)........ Mines number one, Mark Cavendish -Ok so I might have always seen him as "that hot cyclist" but when he was with Jake for the cycling I think I paid more attention to him then the races lol. Those eyes, that smile- just makes you melt! And crush two - Jon Richardson- this kinda just creeped up on me LOL he was always someone I could relate to- always single, bit OCD etc but this year I think it's turned into a full blown crush!! even my mum calls him my future husband or long lost twin lol.

Your turn now guys, join in...................
Me doing the MoBot lol
See even Jake agrees he's hot :P