I've been meaning to write a blog all week but just not got round to it. So here it is.
Your probably looking at this title thinking "what have you been ill?" my answer would be "in a way, I guess" As some of you might know, I suffer from anxiety attacks and kind of a fear of crowds of people. I've let it run my life quite alot. I've missed funerals, hen nights, work meetings. I don't go on dates and avoid being stuck with new people like the plague! 
It makes me feel like a freak and I'm forever saying to my family "I just want to be normal, at least just feel normal" It really really gets me down. I've been offered hypnosis by my uncle and have considered going to the doctors to seek help, but how can I do that when the thought of going there makes me feel ill! Also I'm determined to make myself better on my own. I'm turning stubborn lol. Don't worry this isn't going to be a really negative post. 
As the title would suggest I think I've made steps, yay!! 
Monday I had a course to do for work and to say I was dreading it would be an understatement! The last time I was in a massive group of strangers like that, was college. When on the fist day I was in the corridor and some dickhead (JP Goodard yes u) refused to call me Donna, I was just called Sick girl for half a year. Maybe that was the starting point of my problems.
I spent the weekend feeling dreadful. I had the nieces round and wasnt in a very fun auntie mood. I was psychically sick and was in full panic mood. By sunday night I was at my worst and hitting the Imodium and throwing up! gross I know but I'm just painting a picture for you all lol. I was wishing I'd wake up with some bad illness or could find a way to clone a more confident me and send them instead lol. But no such luck :(
Monday morning came and to my surprise I didn't feel nervous or scared, I did say to my mum "I wonder if a car could just hit me a little bit, not enough to injure me, but enough to shake me up so they send me home" lol but that was just in fun. As i cycled towards burnt mill secondary school (where the course was being held) I must admit I felt myself getting slower and slower. as I walked through the gate I did get a flash of OMG turn around I cant do this!!! run run!!! but I thought if I quit now they'll just reschedule it and I'll have to go through all this again. I walked into the huge reception area and thought do you know what, this isnt too bad! When I turned up to the small classroom there was 21 other women, mostly from burnt mill, and I took my seat and was fine. I listened to hour apon hour of food safety stuff, learnt all about bacteria's and all that great stuff. I even had to do an exam at the end! Lunch came along and the thought of making small talk with these strangers made me feel a little iffy but I did it, I GOT THROUGH IT!  I even bumped into a old college friend who i haven't seen since I was about 18! we eve had a little chat lol.
Those six hours left me feeling so good! this whole week I've just felt like yay I conquered a HUGE fear. I dunno if I'm cured but its a big step forward. I kinda feel like I could go shopping on my own and chat to more people. In fact just today (Friday) I was chatting away to a women at work, that I never talk to, like we've been friends for ages!  I really really REALLY hope this is the road to recovery. I've got to try and remember that my imagination is so much worse then reality and just not freak out. I'm not getting any younger and I want kids. Thats not gonna happen while I'm like this. I need  my life back and I need it back now.  
What do you reckon? road to recovery or not? Leave me a message to see what you think :)
I'd love to hear from you guys! I kinda feel proud of myself, I know it's really stupid and shitty to feel proud about going to a course but I do lol :P
Who knows maybe in a few months time I'll be blogging about a fabulous date I had or exciting places I've been! heres hoping lol.
Take care and speak soon a very happy Don xxx
5 things I'm loving this week
1. our new addition to our family- the not so little Bear a 6 month old puppy.
2. Feeling proud.
3. My little niece Angel getting accepted to the school I work at.
4. Ace of cakes- I'm learning so many tips from there for my nieces cakes lol.
5. The parody of my new fav song by fun- This ones called "We're not young" lol
5 things I'm hating this week
1. Play.coms customer services- nearly 3 weeks to finally get my wrong order sorted.
2. Banks- argh why put a block on my card just becuase I ordered from a new website! oh its new block her so she cant draw out any money!
3. Bad doggys - bear is not trained at all lol
4. the name Bear- who calls a dog bear!!
5. The weather - this time last year I was having barbecues!
So that was easter 2012, over already.
Im not religious in the slightest, not even a tinie tiny bit, i was even banned from RE lessons at school lol. but I wont start offending people with my views lol
To me easter is just a great excuse to spend some quality time with my family. What does it mean to you? 
We started sunday with a nice little easter egg hunt. My little easter bunny nieces were split into 4 teams with an adult each, charged with finding mini eggs in there special colours or eggs with there names on the boxes! I was paired with my middle niece Rosie and we were hunting green eggs. After about half an hour of searching bedrooms and the living room it was all over, chocolate was added to the cupboard for "when they've been good enough" and it was onto our party. Yeah we had a party for easter lol thats just what we do :P any reason is a good reason.
Party food was demolished and i was force fed spoonfuls of onions by my Angel, just so she could say "they were strong we need some of your fizzy drink" lol and it was onto the Wii. Major dance off hits the Quick/Boorman family when Just dance is around! we all have to get up and do a little dance. "this is Halloween" and "something stupid" must have been played a thousand times but it was all good fun. Well it's always good fun til somebody gets hurt and that somebody was me today. Laughing and joking with my sis and bro-in-law when we were leaving, mum decides to do a wierd dance thing and smacks my right in the face lol. My big bunny front teeth sliced my bottom lip. Mum was wiping away tears.............of laughter, my sister and bro-in-law were doubled over in pain from laughing so hard  and I was just thinking "Oh no I've just got rid of one big lump on my face I dont want another one" after a quick check if I was bleeding I was soon back laughing with them about what a bully my mum is lol.
Quick family.......we're so rock n roll. Cant leave a party without a fight lol.
If the weather stays dry tomorrow we are out to the town fair for Bank holiday monday. 
Wonder who will be injured then haha :P
5 things I'm loving this week
1. The Voice- love it! plus Danny is so hot! I'm a fan of the script but never knew he was quite so good looking lol
2. Chocolate- well its easter a girl needs her chocolate!
3. The big bang theory- Sheldon dressed as a french maid- need I say more Laugh out Loud funny! episode 21 "The Hawking Excitation"
4. Little Isabelle dressed as an easter bunny - so cute!
5. Fun- We are young- First heard it on Glee and loved it, Heard this original version and was hooked! it been in my head for days!
5 things Im hating this week
1. Lumpy faces!- nothing attractive about having a big lump!
2. Annoying adverts- that one with the child asking what's that? what's that- highly irrating!  
3. Waiting another week for F1- I wish it was today!
4. Wrong parcels- i ordered the disordelies but recieved Dennis de bengal lol some German DVD
5. Nikki Minaji- starships! Very annoying song yet i still found myself singing along at the easel yesturday!
Well first week off work and what a week from hell!
I must have been a bitch throughout march to deserve that much pain!
What am I talking about? well as some of you may know I suffer with hay fever and that causes me to have ear ache! well i think i might have had an ear infection and that turned into a abscess on my tooth, worst pain in the world!!!!!!!!! 8 days start to finish of nothing but burning red hot pain! I could barely sleep which just made the pain worse. My face swelled up so much I looked like I was smuggling a hamster in on check or trying to look like half of David Coultard! I felt so sorry for myself that I hit the internet hard, thank god for Facebook and twitter. I chatted and played game after game of FB anything to take my mind off constant pain.
I thought about blogging then but my post would have just been " Fucking stupid bollocking pain, I want to rip this pissing tooth right out of my ugly arse face! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" LOL  and that would have ruined my positive thinking lol. When my little sister Lee came to visit she took one look at me and said "hahahaha you look like  quagmire from Family guy! say giggity-giggity" thats sisterly concern for you! lol
When I finally got sleep and I think I made up for it big time, I woke up at 2.30 pm lol think I needed that.
Oh I did manage to get round to doing my planting through, I'm growing some fruit and veg :) but i sowed my seeds wearing a hat, hoodie and scarf to keep the cold wind away from my tooth :P so at least I have some fresh produce to look forward too :)
Anyway I wasted one week and I'm not gonna do that for my second :) so its a week of fun and painting, i hope!
Thanks to everyone who kept me entertained for my week of pain, you really saved me from doing damage lol! 
Until next time bye
from a pain free Donna xxxx