Firstly Hi how are you guys? is there anyone left reading? lol
It's been so long since I blogged last and I'm sorry about that.
The end of last year was quite manic and the beginning of this year has been a tough one.
I started this blog, as you know, mainly as a diary and a release for thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing. In a way, I thought putting it all out there would force me to deal with my issues. I'm pleased to say that does seem to be the case! I really really do feel like I've made massive steps forward. This time last year I was in wembley stadium singing along to the Killers with nearly 90 thousand other people. Who would have thought that when I started this blog?
This is not the reason for my absence. I wish I could tell you travelling the world and having the time of my life, is what has kept me away, but I'd be lying sadly.
There has been a lot of stress and change in both mine and my families lives. There have been alot of down moments in this last six months and through it all I've thought "blog about it, it'll help you come to terms with everything that's happening" but ironically I couldn't. It's something that has a effect on me but isn't my story to tell. It could have been much more damaging to actually have shared my thoughts lol. So sorry for being so vague but this wasn't the place to share. Losing this outlet I think really did hit me hard. So I did miss you all.
Anyway I don't want to make this blog all doom and gloom. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. Anyone that's still reading I'd love to hear your gossip, what have I missed? any news?
To make up for nearly a year of just writing drafts, Ii thought I'd do kind of a getting to know you blog. I thought I'd share 8 things you don't know about me :)
I hope anyone that reads will add their 8 things in the comments too. You know sharing lol :P
1: I'm obsessed with all things paranormal.
Ok so a few of you may know this. I have a ever growing book list of paranormal books sat on my kindle. I love anything from zombies to ghosts but my total fav is vampires. I think it all started with buffy, I had the biggest crush on Angel in that programme lol. My obsession has spilled over into my décor in my bedroom as I currently have a vampire print, a skull and a saw puppet all sat on my dressing table. I think it's starting to get noticeable for my nieces. As Angel drew me as a vampire, with quite afew fangs :P lol.
2. I'm completely unreligious.
So non-religious I was banned from studying R.E at school lol. Now I was a good student, never got in trouble but yes I was banned. We had a lesson that my mum didn't agree in and she wrote in a letter of complaint. Now I'm not sure if it was letter or the fact I said I didn't believe in any of that nonsense that got me banned but I wasn't gutted that's for sure!I grew up with a mum that does have a certain amount of faith but never tried to make us believe or ram it down our throats, I'm grateful for that and deffo don't feel like I'm missing anything not having a god to lead me!
3: I cry at most films.
I'm not a massive crier in normal day to day life. I'm much more of a bottle it all up and deffo don't cry in public, kinda person. So much so that once my sister called me heartless and in fact questioned if i even had a heart. (hence me wanted to change) But put a sad film on and I will ball my eyes out like a baby lol. A few that made cry include: My sisters keeper, About time (so bloody funny and massively sad) and P.s i love you. It doesn't even have to be a sad film, just a sweet moment in a feel good film start me off. Don't even get me started on the animated movie Up lol!
4. I'd love to play a victim in a horror film.
I'm a big horror nut. Any horror film has to be watched and have seen my fair share of bad movies (yes slither I'm talking about you). Both my sisters are just as bad and we regularly still get together to watch horrors or have movie night sleep overs. So it'll come as no surprise that it's always been a lil secret dream of both me and my lil sis to be a victim in a horror movie. Personal favs would be Saw or Wrong turn. I'd also love to play a corpse in CSI.
5. My lil sister Lee is turning me into abit of a geek.
Ok so I admit I was a geek already (In alot of ways I see myself abit like Leonard in the big bang theory or Jess in new girl--just minus the glasses) I already watched my fair share of geekier movies like The spirit, Scott Pilgrim vs the world and Kick Ass ( i love them) But she's dragged me into the world of marvel. It started when Thor: the dark world was due out. She wanted to watch and as Chris hemsworth in massively hot I agreed, but Lee said i had to do it right and start with iron man and away we went, night after night till I was all caught up! Now I can't get enough and have even got the t-shirt as proof lol.
Pic below is me and my other sister Emma at our nephews Pokemon birthday party last month.
6. I once tried to commit suicide.
A slightly sadder one here, but hey not all secrets are fun or light hearted. I was about 17/18 and my family was going a really time, about 3 years of rough patch. I basically had enough or everything that was going on and was getting quite depressed. I felt like the only people I could talk about it with was my family. But how could you talk about it with them when its effecting them as well. At that time I began to withdraw and step away from friends, work mates and ended up feeling alone. I was trying to deal with past demons, with the new stress and uncertainty about which direction my future was going in, had left me really down. One day as I went out I had this thought that said "I could make all this go away with one step into that road" and that's what I tired! I was deadly serious at that time but as the car sped towards me I thought of my family and how selfish I was being, trying to add to their stress. I ran back and swore to never try again. I'm not saying that I never thought those thoughts again, I HAVE! quite alot, even to these later years but I know I'm never gonna try it again. I've tried to find anew way of coping A.K.A this blog and actually opening up more lol. So now I feel so much better.
7. when i was younger i wanted to be a actress.
You may find that strange as I'm shy and quiet and suffer with anxiety but it's always been a dream there in the background. I've had loads of career paths I've wanted to do like Journalism and photography but art and acting were always there in the forefront of my mind. It started from school, when I had to pick what to study for my GCSE'S drama was a big option for me. I chickened out because i didn't know anyone else doing that lesson. but I kinda regret not trying, I would probably have sucked but hey lol.
8. im kind of obsessed with online personality quizzes.
You know the ones what ninja turtle are you? lol. I blame the site PlayBuzz lol and alike. Whenever I'm bored I go on there lol. The bad thing is though every time I get all the dark, you need to live more results lol
Thanks for reading. If you fancy leave me a lil comment with 8 things about you or any news and gossip :)
take care till next time (which will hopefully be alot sooner lol)
....Everytime I do it makes me laugh......"
Nickleback right there LOL.
I was thinking back to my last blog post and decided it was time to actually use my birthday present.
My lil sister Lee brought me a scrap book type thing, with a blank canvas cover. She said I could fill it with all things I've do this year, so that I can see how far I've come with my battle to overcome my anxiety.
Well when she gave it to me she'd done half a page and printed off afew photos lol.
I've got as far as march so and I love the idea of looking back, when I have a anxiety day and saying "get over yourself, look at what your done so far"
I've painted the front cover with black and white trees- to represent the dark place i was in- wondering through the wilderness and the back cover is a sunset over the ocean- to represent the bright future I hopefully have in front of me.
I just will share photos of the covers soon, but for now I wanted to leave you with a page I made. This ones from my 30th.
Brace yourselves this shows you just how geeky I really am. The side I hide away lol.
Are you ready???
Yep that is my take on comic book lol.
My inner geek is well and truly out there now :P
Anyway thats all for today, bye :)
I've started to feel my blogs have become a bit moany and all "poor me my life sucks" so to lighten the mood, I thought it would be fun to get you guys involved!
Thanks to tucker for inspiring me wit this blog.
I'm a huge music fan and music inspires or helps me through alot of stuff. So I thought what better way to get to know all you blog readers then through something I love. It's kinda a music quiz/interview. I'm gonna ask myself some questions (involving music) and answer them, then you guys can do the same :)
Ok so here goes:
1. Which song would you say best describes you?
Deffo got to be I'm just a girl by No doubt. These lyrics "the moment that I step outside, so many reasons for me to run and hide, I can't do those little things I hold so dear, cause its all those little things that I fear" pretty much sum me up, don't you agree? well the whole song really. plus I love that song :)
2: What song would you say is your life story?
As you know I'm just a touch pessimistic so I've always said Travis- Why does it always rain on me? is my life put to music! I'm pretty sure I lied when I was 17 too Lol
3: Which song changed your life in anyway?
I know you might think I haven't had a song that has changed my life, no song has meant quite that much to me, but it could be a song that has just flicked a switched in your mind and changed even a tiny thing.
My song is This grudge by Alanis Morrissette from the so called chaos album. I was a huge Alanis fan and around the time this song came out, we were having trouble with my sister Emma and I was finding it to forgive and forget. I didnt want to let her in incase I got hurt all over again but I heard these lyrics "but who's it hurting now? who's the that's stuck? who's it torturing now?" and I thought your right, I'm the one suffering by not letting go! I'm pleased to say it worked we're now super close and I have my sister back! Thank you Alanis!! see life changing song :P
4. What song never fails to cheer you up?
Mines Tenacious D- Tribute. If you haven;t heard this song, its Jack black and it's funny. This song always makes me think of my other sister Lee, we both have the same silly humour and are quite hyper when we're together and this is one of our fav silly songs :)
5: Which cheesy/embarrassing song can you not help but love?
For me its deffo Love shack by the B52s LOL so cheesy, so strange but I can't help but sing along. I'm not ashamed to say that, while painting, when they sing "bang bang bang on the door baby, knock a little louder sugar etc" I do mime knocking on a door :P
6. What song makes you cry?
Nickleback- Lullaby. I don't know what it is about the song but it gets me every time. The first time I heard it I was really down and getting over the death of my uncle and everything felt like it was piling up. I remember hearing it and tears were just running down my cheeks, all I could think was I wish I had someone to sing those words to me, someone who just wanted to try and take the hurt away. It still makes me cry!
7. What lyric pulls you through a rough patch?
For me its "I never really gave up on, breaking out of this two-star town, I got the green light, I got a little fight, I'm gonna turn this thing around" it's from The Killers- read my mind. Whenever I feel like giving up on my dreams this just pops into my head and I think I have got a little fight, keep going Donna lol.
8. What song do you find yourself having a little sing-a-long and boogie too?
I know I always say I'm a rock chick and I really am a massive rock fan but my song is Kesha- we are who we are! I also sing along and dance to it. While its playing and i'm alone I have a little dance while making a drink or walking upstairs etc lol.
9. Have you ever sang a song on stage? if not whats your karaoke song?
I don't do karaoke, I wouldn't inflict this voice on anyone, my singing's saved for when im locked in the studio with my easel but I did once perform Who do you think you are by the spice girls, well I say performed- we mimed! It was the last year of school and me and 4 friends dressed up as different members of the spice girls and performed the routine in a friends living room for her family :P I was posh spice purely because I had the bob haircut and a top and shirt quite like her lol
10. Finally what song would you dedicate to me?
Might sound abit vain (and i'm not) but it's really just an excuse to dedicate a song to you guys. My song for you all is Kelly Clarkson- My life would suck without you. A little bit cheesy to say I know :P The title speaks for itself really but you guys really help me through so much, you give me advice, you pick me up when my spirits are low and more importantly make me laugh :) so cheers guys :)
Now I've done mine, I'd love it if you could comment with your answers :) thats where the getting to know you bit comes into it :P don't worry you don't have to have an anwser for every question or make it as long as this. Just as long as you share with me I don't mind LOL :)
If you all liked this and enough people respond, maybe we could do more or similar?
I'll leave you to think with some music enjoy!
Till next time bye
read tuckers blog here http://jtdougan.blogspot.com The guy that inspired this blog
So that was easter 2012, over already.
Im not religious in the slightest, not even a tinie tiny bit, i was even banned from RE lessons at school lol. but I wont start offending people with my views lol
To me easter is just a great excuse to spend some quality time with my family. What does it mean to you?
We started sunday with a nice little easter egg hunt. My little easter bunny nieces were split into 4 teams with an adult each, charged with finding mini eggs in there special colours or eggs with there names on the boxes! I was paired with my middle niece Rosie and we were hunting green eggs. After about half an hour of searching bedrooms and the living room it was all over, chocolate was added to the cupboard for "when they've been good enough" and it was onto our party. Yeah we had a party for easter lol thats just what we do :P any reason is a good reason.
Party food was demolished and i was force fed spoonfuls of onions by my Angel, just so she could say "they were strong we need some of your fizzy drink" lol and it was onto the Wii. Major dance off hits the Quick/Boorman family when Just dance is around! we all have to get up and do a little dance. "this is Halloween" and "something stupid" must have been played a thousand times but it was all good fun. Well it's always good fun til somebody gets hurt and that somebody was me today. Laughing and joking with my sis and bro-in-law when we were leaving, mum decides to do a wierd dance thing and smacks my right in the face lol. My big bunny front teeth sliced my bottom lip. Mum was wiping away tears.............of laughter, my sister and bro-in-law were doubled over in pain from laughing so hard and I was just thinking "Oh no I've just got rid of one big lump on my face I dont want another one" after a quick check if I was bleeding I was soon back laughing with them about what a bully my mum is lol.
Quick family.......we're so rock n roll. Cant leave a party without a fight lol.
If the weather stays dry tomorrow we are out to the town fair for Bank holiday monday.
Wonder who will be injured then haha :P