Firstly Hi how are you guys? is there anyone left reading? lol
It's been so long since I blogged last and I'm sorry about that.
The end of last year was quite manic and the beginning of this year has been a tough one.
I started this blog, as you know, mainly as a diary and a release for thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing. In a way, I thought putting it all out there would force me to deal with my issues. I'm pleased to say that does seem to be the case! I really really do feel like I've made massive steps forward. This time last year I was in wembley stadium singing along to the Killers with nearly 90 thousand other people. Who would have thought that when I started this blog?
This is not the reason for my absence. I wish I could tell you travelling the world and having the time of my life, is what has kept me away, but I'd be lying sadly.
There has been a lot of stress and change in both mine and my families lives. There have been alot of down moments in this last six months and through it all I've thought "blog about it, it'll help you come to terms with everything that's happening" but ironically I couldn't. It's something that has a effect on me but isn't my story to tell. It could have been much more damaging to actually have shared my thoughts lol. So sorry for being so vague but this wasn't the place to share. Losing this outlet I think really did hit me hard. So I did miss you all.
Anyway I don't want to make this blog all doom and gloom. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. Anyone that's still reading I'd love to hear your gossip, what have I missed? any news?
To make up for nearly a year of just writing drafts, Ii thought I'd do kind of a getting to know you blog. I thought I'd share 8 things you don't know about me :)
I hope anyone that reads will add their 8 things in the comments too. You know sharing lol :P
1: I'm obsessed with all things paranormal.
Ok so a few of you may know this. I have a ever growing book list of paranormal books sat on my kindle. I love anything from zombies to ghosts but my total fav is vampires. I think it all started with buffy, I had the biggest crush on Angel in that programme lol. My obsession has spilled over into my décor in my bedroom as I currently have a vampire print, a skull and a saw puppet all sat on my dressing table. I think it's starting to get noticeable for my nieces. As Angel drew me as a vampire, with quite afew fangs :P lol.
2. I'm completely unreligious.
So non-religious I was banned from studying R.E at school lol. Now I was a good student, never got in trouble but yes I was banned. We had a lesson that my mum didn't agree in and she wrote in a letter of complaint. Now I'm not sure if it was letter or the fact I said I didn't believe in any of that nonsense that got me banned but I wasn't gutted that's for sure!I grew up with a mum that does have a certain amount of faith but never tried to make us believe or ram it down our throats, I'm grateful for that and deffo don't feel like I'm missing anything not having a god to lead me!
3: I cry at most films.
I'm not a massive crier in normal day to day life. I'm much more of a bottle it all up and deffo don't cry in public, kinda person. So much so that once my sister called me heartless and in fact questioned if i even had a heart. (hence me wanted to change) But put a sad film on and I will ball my eyes out like a baby lol. A few that made cry include: My sisters keeper, About time (so bloody funny and massively sad) and P.s i love you. It doesn't even have to be a sad film, just a sweet moment in a feel good film start me off. Don't even get me started on the animated movie Up lol!
4. I'd love to play a victim in a horror film.
I'm a big horror nut. Any horror film has to be watched and have seen my fair share of bad movies (yes slither I'm talking about you). Both my sisters are just as bad and we regularly still get together to watch horrors or have movie night sleep overs. So it'll come as no surprise that it's always been a lil secret dream of both me and my lil sis to be a victim in a horror movie. Personal favs would be Saw or Wrong turn. I'd also love to play a corpse in CSI.
5. My lil sister Lee is turning me into abit of a geek.
Ok so I admit I was a geek already (In alot of ways I see myself abit like Leonard in the big bang theory or Jess in new girl--just minus the glasses) I already watched my fair share of geekier movies like The spirit, Scott Pilgrim vs the world and Kick Ass ( i love them) But she's dragged me into the world of marvel. It started when Thor: the dark world was due out. She wanted to watch and as Chris hemsworth in massively hot I agreed, but Lee said i had to do it right and start with iron man and away we went, night after night till I was all caught up! Now I can't get enough and have even got the t-shirt as proof lol.
Pic below is me and my other sister Emma at our nephews Pokemon birthday party last month.
6. I once tried to commit suicide.
A slightly sadder one here, but hey not all secrets are fun or light hearted. I was about 17/18 and my family was going a really time, about 3 years of rough patch. I basically had enough or everything that was going on and was getting quite depressed. I felt like the only people I could talk about it with was my family. But how could you talk about it with them when its effecting them as well. At that time I began to withdraw and step away from friends, work mates and ended up feeling alone. I was trying to deal with past demons, with the new stress and uncertainty about which direction my future was going in, had left me really down. One day as I went out I had this thought that said "I could make all this go away with one step into that road" and that's what I tired! I was deadly serious at that time but as the car sped towards me I thought of my family and how selfish I was being, trying to add to their stress. I ran back and swore to never try again. I'm not saying that I never thought those thoughts again, I HAVE! quite alot, even to these later years but I know I'm never gonna try it again. I've tried to find anew way of coping A.K.A this blog and actually opening up more lol. So now I feel so much better.
7. when i was younger i wanted to be a actress.
You may find that strange as I'm shy and quiet and suffer with anxiety but it's always been a dream there in the background. I've had loads of career paths I've wanted to do like Journalism and photography but art and acting were always there in the forefront of my mind. It started from school, when I had to pick what to study for my GCSE'S drama was a big option for me. I chickened out because i didn't know anyone else doing that lesson. but I kinda regret not trying, I would probably have sucked but hey lol.
8. im kind of obsessed with online personality quizzes.
You know the ones what ninja turtle are you? lol. I blame the site PlayBuzz lol and alike. Whenever I'm bored I go on there lol. The bad thing is though every time I get all the dark, you need to live more results lol
Thanks for reading. If you fancy leave me a lil comment with 8 things about you or any news and gossip :)
take care till next time (which will hopefully be alot sooner lol)
....Everytime I do it makes me laugh......"
Nickleback right there LOL.
I was thinking back to my last blog post and decided it was time to actually use my birthday present.
My lil sister Lee brought me a scrap book type thing, with a blank canvas cover. She said I could fill it with all things I've do this year, so that I can see how far I've come with my battle to overcome my anxiety.
Well when she gave it to me she'd done half a page and printed off afew photos lol.
I've got as far as march so and I love the idea of looking back, when I have a anxiety day and saying "get over yourself, look at what your done so far"
I've painted the front cover with black and white trees- to represent the dark place i was in- wondering through the wilderness and the back cover is a sunset over the ocean- to represent the bright future I hopefully have in front of me.
I just will share photos of the covers soon, but for now I wanted to leave you with a page I made. This ones from my 30th.
Brace yourselves this shows you just how geeky I really am. The side I hide away lol.
Are you ready???
Yep that is my take on comic book lol.
My inner geek is well and truly out there now :P
Anyway thats all for today, bye :)
...don't you think
A little too ironic......and, yeah, I really do think..."
One of my all time favourite songs and one of my favourite singers right there!
But never before have those lyrics actually meant anything to me.
I was cycling on my way to work, when I thought I haven't wrote a blog in like, 2 months!!
I was trying to think what was the last thing I wrote about (my mind drifts off like that sometimes, no wonder I don't want to learn to drive lol) and I swear I thought "isn't ironic that now I have things to blog about, I've completely forgot I even have a blog.....yeah, I really do think" lol
It's like I turned 30 and went fuck it I don't need this anymore and it's not true. Truth is I've just been busy enjoying myself and haven't had the time to update it. Making up for lost time has a lot to answer for lol.
So what have I been upto since my last blog?
Well I turned 30 and celebrated it, in a nice mature way- dressed up as a teenage ninja mutant turtle, naturally I was Donatello (See photos for pics). It was 80s themed and as we were tomboys growing up, we loved that show so it was a no brainer.
As a birthday present, Lee brought tickets for us to see Les Mis at the theater. I was amazing, everyone was so good and we couldn't decide if the film or stage version was better, we just loved both! It's still as emotional as the film- even when you know whats going to happen, Lee cried loads, she's such a softie. Defiantly got me abit hooked on shows now.
Me and Lee also took our niece Angel out for a day trip.
When I was asking her where she wanted to go she replied "on the train like you and Lee Lee" As Broxbourne Paradise wildlife park was only 9 minutes away from Harlow, it was perfect. Our other sister Emma dropped lil Angel off to us at the train station at 10.30am and we got her home around 7pm!! It was bloody freezing but we all had a great day. Angel had asked to see dinosaurs so we went on this tiny train to see afew plastic noisy dinosaurs and they made her cry lol. She also was a lil worried about walking past the lion as she thought it wasn't behind glass. She kept pulling me back saying "he wont eat us will he?" She loved the otters though. We even watched a show in there about animal training, partly to get out of the cold and partly to make the most of our day.
Angels so funny and makes me want a kid when shes around :)
I was a little bit freaked out before we went, as I never had that responsibility before and it was a bit of a scary thought - babysitting is so different lol. But the good thing is I was fine as soon as we got on the train :) Angels now decided we need more trips and has to go on the train again lol.
The following Saturday we went to the opening night show of Carnaby street the musical. We didn't really know what to expect apart from that it was going to have 30 songs from the 60s.
We started the day doing a monopoly hunt around London (finding and photographing the places on the board) but got distracted by shopping lol well we are girls haha. When we'd finished we had a mad dash to the other side of London. We got to Hackney Empire theater at 7.25, just in time for our 7.30 show. I really loved the whole show, the cast were amazing and it didn't matter that one of the lead actors had to mime because he was ill, it was a funny show filled with great songs that everyone would know. Some of the 60's reference did go over our heads a bit but hey we are children of the 80's :P
Lee sang along from the first song and by the second half I had gave in to temptation and joined her. The last 10 mins or so is a party, where they do a medley of songs from the show. They invite you all to stand up and sing and dance along with them. We were seated in row B and at first I thought I can't dance while they're looking, but soon enough I was dancing and at one point we even air guitar-ed LOL. I think I may have been enjoying myself a bit to much as one of the actors pointed at me and said "I see ya" lol so embarrassing but cool. We even shared the train home with 3 of the actors (Verity Rushworth, Aaron Sidwell and Tricia Adele-Turner)
If you can catch it on they're tour, it's deffo worth going, check out the website here If you don't come out smiling, then there's something wrong with you lol.
I've had two family birthdays to (my niece Ruby and my dads) and afew more cinema trips- I deffo need to get a unlimited card I think now LOL. I also need to get some ID as I went to see evil dead the remake- as me and my sisters are massive horror fans and got asked how old I was!!!! It's an 18 I'm 30!!! As I don't have ID I was lucky she just took my word for it- after a lot of hesitation!
Anyway that's me all caught up, I promise I won't leave it another two months before I blog again!
At the moment I doing a countdown as in June I'm taking my biggest step so far. I'm going to Wembley stadium to see my fav band in the whole world...........The Killers!!!! I've not been to a gig since I was 15 and that was to see 5ive! haha and it was one of those, collect the chocolate bar wrappers to go competitions! So long over due but as it holds 90 thousand people, It's a pretty big test to see if I'm over it yet!
Oh yeah before I go, just one bit of arty news, I've just started selling prints. After my Senna V Hamilton painting drew so much attention! So far I've sold one as a trail run :)
See you next time guys,
have fun in the sun,
now playing: If I stray- Frank Turner
So 2013 is here at last and instead of thinking about the past, I'm focusing on looking forward :)
To much of my life's been spent looking back, on things that I didn't do and chances that I've had and basically it's just a waste of time. You can't change these things, and to live your life on if's and but's is just pointless and stopping you moving forward!
Well no more haha.
I follow Jared Leto on twitter and I saw this status he posted:
"First day of the year. What are doing right now to make sure your dreams become your reality?"
It really got me thinking! I want this to be the year everything changes for me! I turn 30 in february and think it's about time to get serious! I know your probably reading this going "yeah yeah yeah we've head this so many times" but for the first time I actually mean it LOL. I need to stop talking about what I want/need to do and get it done. Like no more "I'll look into how I can get prints done of my artwork" or "I've got some ideas for a collection" and defiantly no more "When I'm brave enough I'm gonna start entering afew art competitions " I need to think like Jared Leto says.........what am I doing to make these dreams reality? that I don't really have an answer for at the moment LOL. maybe you guys can help me with that?! I'm open to suggestions haha. Who know's when I go back to work next week the outcome could be bad and it will force me to come up with a plan. What will be will be!
It's not just my art/ career I want to change. It's me in general. I feel like I am getting abit more confident or maybe that's just me feeling more comfortable with who I am for a change! I'm pretty much happy with how I look (well I've got to the stage where I think fuck it, this is what your stuck with-work with it LOL) I think I'm a nice girl, but there's still work to be done! I'm abit of a door mat - that definitely needs to change! I give and give and get very little back. I've been ill alot this year too, probably more then I've noticed before- maybe its old age creeping in I don't know haha but I think it's been stress related.
I've been listening toalot of music while painting and one song keeps popping up, enimen- not afraid. The lyrics have been speaking to me........
"But I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out,
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't,
this fucking black cloud,
Still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons,
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now! ...
And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)"
They pretty much sum up what I'm hoping to change about myself this year. In fact it's spot on lol.
So my new years resolution is not to worry so much! I believe in everything happens for a reason so why stress when things are going "Wrong" because there not wrong, there just taking me down a different road!
I would love to be writing a blog at the end of the year telling you all that I did everything in my power to make things happen!
Before I leave I would love to start the new year saying a massive thank you to everyone who reads this blog and writes to me on twitter, your support and words of encouragement have both helped me and overwhelmed me at times, so THANK YOU!!!
Hope 2013 brings you all the love, luck and happiness you deserve, have a good one you lovely lot :)
If you have any ideas to help me out or maybe share your wishes for 2013 leave me a comment below :)
Take care and don't be a stranger!
Current mood: optimistic!
Now listening to: Shake it out- Florence and the machine.....well its how I'm feeling right now, I'm shaking off my demons lol.
The Short Artist's awards!
I had so much fun with the "getting to know you music quiz" that I thought we could do a review of the year questionnaire :)
One word to sum up 2012.... Rollercoater! The year started off ok, got emotional in the summer for good reasons (makes a change) then got shitting by the end of the year :(
Song of the year:...... Either Fun we are young or Stay -Rihanna
Album of the year..... Who else but the Killers- battle born! I waited ages to get my hands on there new Album and it didn't disappoint.
Worst song of the year.......Girl on fire- Alisha keys or Call me maybe- Carly Rae Japsen Girl on fire I can't even tell you why I don't like it, it just grates on me lol and call me maybe is so bloody catchy!!!
Highlight of the year....... Gotta be the Olympics and Paralympics! That was a once in a life time moment for us brits to witness. I cried so much in that one summer through joy and pride, I was exhausted lol.
Personal highlight of the year....Erm I'm struggling for a stand out moment from this year but I think just the way my family and I have stuck together and laughed in the face of our problems really :)
Hero of the year....... So many choices this year, do you go for the queen? 60 years on the throne and still going strong. or Boris Johnson? the guys just hilarious! or any of the Olympicians? I'll narrow it down to 3. From my real life- the Quick Ladies- mum and Emma for going smoke free- yay!! and From the world of celebrity I'll go for Bradley Wiggins, he won the tour de France and won gold at the London Olympics- all with a couldn't care less attitude, which I loved.
Sports star of the year.....Again I could choose so many but I'm gonna go for a top 3!
Number 3: Gemma Gibbons- I normally wouldn't care about Judo but she was bloody amazing gaining that silver medal and when she looked up to the sky and whispered "I love you mum" it broke my heart! Number 2: Mo Farah - I've always been a big fan and my family cheered so loud when he won he's double gold medals! and Number 1: Fernando Alonso.....Come on you knew it was gonna come Lol. He thought so hard this year and never gave up, so to get 2nd in the championship was amazing, especially as it was so close!
Comeback of the year: .......Kimi Raikkonen who else! I've always been a massive fan so I was super excited for him to return and to get 3rd in the championship proves he hasn't lost it LOL.
Villain of the year.......Victoria Pendleton- I just don't like her LOL closely followed by my dad- he's been a total arse this year but then that's not surprising!
Twitter person of the year.........I could name so many of you guys that I've had fun with this year or that have encouraged me but I'll give it to the lovely Claire @button_rose1985, We have had THE most girly chats this year, everything from boys to fashion to stalkers LOL and she's opened my eyes to a world of fanfics- some I'd rather forget :P
Unsung hero of the year...........Miss Chloe @mama_plus2! What this girl does is incredible! I won't go into details as I know she won't like that but she's amazing and doesn't get the credit she deserves.........plus I know she reads this LMAO :P
and finally Crush of the year (those crushes you didn't even realize you had lol)........ Mines number one, Mark Cavendish -Ok so I might have always seen him as "that hot cyclist" but when he was with Jake for the cycling I think I paid more attention to him then the races lol. Those eyes, that smile- just makes you melt! And crush two - Jon Richardson- this kinda just creeped up on me LOL he was always someone I could relate to- always single, bit OCD etc but this year I think it's turned into a full blown crush!! even my mum calls him my future husband or long lost twin lol.
Your turn now guys, join in...................
It feels like so much has happened since i last blogged! So let me just take you through my February .............
Firstly I want to say sorry for not updating my blog sooner but Im sooooooooo close to finally finishing my wedding portrait art commission, so I've been busy painting (you can see a updated pic in my photos)
How was Valentines day for you guys?? I celebrated it as i do every year..... single lol. But I did get a prezzie this time, it counts if its from your sister right?? a nice box of choccies that I ate while watching a girly film :) Dont worry I never went all Bridget Jones, singing "all by myself" It was a bit of a backhanded thoughtful present, as she did give them to mum, saying, "i didnt get Lee anything coz james will buy her and Donna wont get anything" lol. She meant well but basically was saying theres no-one out there that loves you haha! Sisterly love ah! you can always rely on your family to build you up and knock you down at the same time! shes lucky I know she didn't mean it like that.
My oldest niece turned 6 on the 22th of Feb, i got creative making her a Harry potter inspired birthday cake (which you can see in my photos) we had a lovely argument free party- which if you know me, you will know that's rare when we mix with the (almost) in-laws. Ruby turning 6 does make you think where the hell did the time go! I still remember the first time we met her aged 8 months (Ruby and Rosie are step nieces but I love them just the same) now shes a big girl, who can read and write and goes to my school!!! its scarey. Time is just flying at such a rapid pace lately. Does that hint that i'm doing to much or not enough. I'm thinking more along the not enough route. Kinda feels like ive been in the slow lane while everyones busy getting on with there much more exciting lives in the fast lane.
As I've been cycling to work Nickelback has popped up on my MP3 alot, espically "If today was your last day" and Im really thinking its a sign lol. A sign thats saying "Donna go jump into that fast moving traffic, stop playing around now, less talk more action!" So I've thought "ok Chad this year I will try, just for you. I will remember that I'm the only one that can make my dreams a reality and go follow them" Thats exactly what I plan to do now :) I know, I know, I've said it all before but I'm serious and you guys are my witness's, if it looks like im slacking feel free to give me a kick up the arse haha. make it gentle though- I bruise like a peach :P
I also turned 29 this month, so this time next year, when I write this blog I might just be beginning my breakdown haha. Nah I'm just kidding I'm trying to be a much more positive cheerful person, I tried starting on the lead up to my birthday, by shopping with my mum. Saying right I really want to look abit more my age and try something new. So mum brought me loads of lovely new clothes, that actually has colour and pattern hehe (not just my usual grey rock t-shirts and black skinny jeans) and my little sister did the same for me. I actually think they work, I do look less like a teenager!
It was all going good, staying positive, start of a new me and all that. When the 27th of Feb comes along and spoils it haha. I wake up monday morning alil late, get dressed, grabbed my bag and cup from last night. Then go rushing down the stairs. Well I got to the first step and slipped down the whole first flight of stairs!!!!!! I landed on my back with a bag under me and last nights drink all over my nice clean jeans and all up the wall. Mum came to see what the bang was a found me laying there and found it highly amusing to call me Donna "the eagle" Edwards and say was I trying to enter the stair skiing Olympics lol. Only I could give myself the birthday bumps! then I went up the hall to get my shoes out ready to put on and pulled the handle of the drawer. Nearly fell over my bike before I had even gotten out of the gate, and managed to cut myself on the clingfilm box at work. so all in all it was a really great birthday :P I did cheer up when I saw all the lovely birthday messages though :)
I did get thinking is that an omen for how the rest of my years gonna turn out?? what do you guys think? am I doomed to have a accident prone year? should I hibernate now? I guess only time will tell, watch this space lol.
I hope it just means if you celebrate your birthday battered and bruised, then you have a great rest of the year! See that's me being positive even though I haven't seen any evidence of it yet :P
My youngest sister also moved out on the 29th, some would say that was a late birthday prezzie (Love ya really Lee Lee if your reading this :P ) but I think we wont really notice much difference. Shes 23 nearly and I think shes spent most of this year with James at his room that he was renting anyway. It will be abit strange coz she did have the odd night in with us and it'll be much less fun being a freak by myself lol. I just she'll be ok in her new place with James and that he takes good care of her. If not he'll have the Quicks to deal with! Also I hope he realizes what he's let himself in for hehe :P he does seem nice enough and not quite as under the thumb as Lee's previous boyfriends. I wonder how long it'll be before I get a baby Afro niece or nephew?? ????
My other sister Emma (the mum of my 4 beautiful nieces) moved out about 5 and a half years ago so I 'm now the last one left :( the oldest and the only one still left on the shelf, living with my mum and dad :( but on the plus side..........the rents a damn site cheaper hehe :) .............see positive!!!!!
Anyway I've had a stressful week and my beds calling me so I'll head off to sleep dreaming of a new start and how happy I am that its finally march.
Why am I glad its march? F1 BABY whoop whoop. 2 more weeks to go :) the countdown starts here!
Hope you guys are all doing good, please feel free to message me and tell me about your Feb and what you've been upto and what your looking forward to :)
Hope I hear from you,
Ok negative creeping in again, my internet crashed and I just had to rewrite this whole blog :( lol could only be me lol