Before I begin this blog, Let me recap for you: As you know my anixety has run my life for far to long, leaving me feeling abnormal and down, while locking myself away. Well not anymore!!!!
Last month I took huge steps forward, I managed a course/meeting, including ice breaking tasks and loads of group discussions with people I didn't know, all without feeling sick or well bothered at all! I had 2 trips to the cinema (The impossible and Les Miserables) something I've not done in about 10 years or more! So I have been feeling pretty pleased! (You can hear all about that in the previous blog)
Well this month, the month I will finally reach 30 I've taken a pretty big leap instead of a step lol.
It started with a day trip to London, my first ever train ride! ( I know that's pretty shocking LOL) I was excited all week..............until Saturday I'm not too proud to say I did have a freak out when I woke up. I felt sick and in a bad mood. Walking to the train station with my lil sister Lee, I felt like I was being taken to the slaughter house or something haha I'm not being over dramatic here, that is how I felt, filled with so much dread. I was fine as soon as the train started, just focused on watching the world go by out the window. As soon as we hit Liverpool station my nerves and anxiety had pretty much gone, just as I knew they would. Why is the anticipation far worse then the actual event? I always know that 9 out of 10 times I will be fine when I get there.
I managed to talk my sister into visiting the National Portrait Gallery, as it's a dream I have to enter my work in one of their competitions :) She was a bit bored but went along with it, imagining my artwork in there one day. We took a trip to M&M world, Lee's favorite place in the whole of London LOL. We had a nice walk around covent Garden market and China town and ended our trip with a ride on the London eye! It was amazing at night and surprisingly I wasn't fazed with the fact there was about 20 of us in our lil pod. No feelings of claustrophobia or freaking out! It was a fab end to our day out :)
Since then I've had another trip to the cinema (get me the dirty stop out LOL) this time me and Lee watched Warm Bodies. It was so good and alot of fun! Nicolas Hoult was so funny "nailed it" LOL - if you've not seen the film, that wont mean anything to you haha!
I have to say while watching it I did feel a lil connection.
*spoiler alert* What I got from the film is, they started to become alive again when they started to feel abit of hope and love. I came away from the cinema thinking "my god that's the same as me" I feel like for the whole of my 20's I walked around lost and zombie like and know I'm finally feeling human and normal again, now I've started to put myself out there!
The feeling is amazing, I kinda feel like I'm regaining my life back!
I have a week of work this week, just what i need after a stressful busy week, but I wont go int o that as I want to try and keep it positive LOL.
In this week off, I have a trip to the queens theater in London to see Les Mis, my first theater trip since school haha. A meal with the family- for my birthday- something I have never done as I have a thing about eating in public. Probably because I was bullied and called anixeric all through secondary school! I always have 2 birthday parties, one for my nieces 7th birthday and one for my 30th (a fancy dress 80 themed party)
So I'll loads to tell you next month.
Hope your all doing good and enjoying yourselves,
I'll leave you with some lyrics that sum up how I'm feeling, much better then I could ever describe LOL
"Fill my head with the future,
Fill my eyes with the sky,
Whole of my life I've been left behind,
But I've never felt more alive!"
Jake Bugg- Taste it.
Catch you guys later,
Feel free to leave me a comment or message with what you guys are upto, I love that :)
From Donna xxxxxx
P.s I've uploaded some london pics in my photos!
Now Listening to: I am disappeared- Frank Turner, bloody love it lol.